transemaskye asked:
My apologies intern, I can actually only buy coffee so I can’t purchase your book unless it’s soaked in coffee first
Donate $30 and I’ll send you a paperback of The Anthropocene Reviewed soaked in coffee. Just send me proof and your address via an ask.
Hello. It’s me, “Coffee Influencer” and White River Enthusiast. The Awesome Coffee Club is so good; we have regular, light-roast, and decaf coffee, and K-Cups are coming soon…
awesome coffee club dot com. i’m not going to make the link clickable; you know how urls work.
Twitter sucks so bad.
Imagine someone set out to make a technological tool that spread information really efficiently but at the cost of making the tool’s users outraged and misinformed and convinced that other people are monsters and human life itself is a horrific enterprise that sucks value away from the universe and gives nothing in return.
You would literally make twitter. And then one of the humans who uses your tool a lot would get really outraged and misinformed and convinced that other people are monsters, and that one person would happen to have access to 44 billion dollars, and then that one person would ruin their own life by spending their fortune on a thing that made them angry and misinformed and convinced that other people are monsters.
stars-moon-and-sky asked:
They are advertising other coffee companies on YOUR website!
This is a cool coffee company because they put guns on all their packaging and have a roast called “Thin Blue Line.”
What a good fit for tumblr! These people are advertising geniuses!
So yeah you can drink that crap to vice signal your love of firearms, or you can drink much better coffee sourced directly from small farmers’ collectives and 100% guarantee no guns on the packaging.
Just talked to my psychiatrist and they were like, “You seem so happy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy.”
And I was like, “So, this is gonna sound weird, doc, but I actually shed my human skin and discovered that deep down I am a coffee company? That donates its profit to charity? And ever since then, I’ve just been doing so well.”
This coffee company is grateful for the minor blessings of 21st century American life. (And to the educators and librarians fighting against censorship.)
