cantcommitcantdecide asked:
I'm a genuinely-confused adult with poor understanding of social media. Are you John Green, the author who wrote those books, or are you John Green, the unpaid intern that happens to have the same name as the John Green author person?
There is no ethical consumption, but coffee that benefits the poor is better than coffee that doesn’t.
One thing I didn’t imagine in like 2007 or whatever is that everyone would want to become an influencer.
Like, the richest man in the world is not happy being a rich person who makes cars and rockets; he also has to be Big on Twitter.
The richest novelist in the world is not happy being a novelist; she also has to be a Notable Shitbag on the Internet.
I did not see this coming. I do not think Influencer is THAT attractive of a job? Like, I’ve had it for fifteen years, and I’m certainly very grateful for it, but it is strange that it seems like the ONLY job rich and powerful people want.
(I am aware of the irony here–that I, a professional internet person and unpaid coffee company marketing intern–am talking about this matter on the Internet. But 1. if anyone knows the downsides of professional Internetting, it’s Me On Tumblr, and 2. it’s tumblr in 2023, a place where proper influencers fear to tread unless they are Lynda Carter.)
deanhisnippleisout asked:
Hi John. Seeing as you've missed a lot of big events here on tumblr, I was wondering if you've heard of arguably the biggest event in your absence, destiel going canon? Would love to hear your thoughts
Let me answer your question with a question: Do you really think that I, a coffee company that donates all its profit to charity, am dumb enough to wade INTO THE MIDDLE OF THAT PARTICULAR DISCUSSION?
Like, I am trying to sell coffee here, my friend, not trying to restart World War III.
In the same year that I wrote a book featuring an entire essay about the many-splendors of Diet Dr Pepper?
You’re welcome, Dr Pepper!
(About a year ago, marketing people at Dr Pepper requested a meeting with me because they were like, “We love your book so much, and we’re such big fans of you and we’d love to get your ideas,” and so I took the meeting, which I shouldn’t have but I really do love Dr Pepper.
And they were like, “What are your ideas?”
And I said, “First off, Dr Pepper should sponsor humanity’s relationship with the moon. Not the moon itself, but humanity’s understanding of it. And there should be podcast ads that are like, ‘The moon cannot create light but still finds ways to reflect it, which is a beautiful thought. Dr Pepper: Official sponsor of humanity’s relationship with the moon.’”
And they were like, “Uh, next?”
And I was like, “Also, Dr Pepper should acknowledge and celebrate its radical artificiality–the fact that it doesn’t attempt to taste like a real-world flavor as citrus sodas or colas do, but instead is a chemist’s attempt to create something explicitly and gloriously artificial.”
And they were like, “Uh, aren’t you going to ask us about becoming a paid spokesperson for Diet Dr Pepper?”
And I pretended to be interested but of course I was not, because who wants to shill for sugar water? Especially when I’m already happily employed as an unpaid beverage spokesperson.)
How do we know that @sizzlingsandwichperfection-blog is John Green?? All I know is that the blog is for a coffee company run by an unpaid intern?
It’s all very simple:
1. I am a coffee company that donates all of its profit to charity.
2. As is the case for many corporate social media presences, this account is not actually administered by a sentient corporation, as much as the US Supreme Court would like to imagine that such corporations exist.
3. Instead, the coffee company’s social media account is run by a human being: me. My name is John Green, and in addition to running the Awesome Coffee Club’s tumblr, I also do other things like write books and make Crash Course videos. These other things are not important, though. All that matters is selling incredible coffee to the people of the U.S. and Canada.
4. You can tell that I am me because I posted about it on my YouTube channel, vlogbrothers.
5. Usually, corporations endeavor to anonymize their social media admins, because corporations are in the business of making labor invisible so that we as a social order will undervalue labor, which allows corporations to maximize profits. But the Awesome Coffee Club is actually in the business of trying to make every part of the labor chain MORE VISIBLE, so that people will understand why buying Awesome Coffee is better than by regular coffee.
6. I do not get paid to run the Awesome Coffee Club’s tumblr (nor do I get paid in any way by the Awesome Coffee Club, because all its profit goes to charity); ergo, I am an unpaid social media intern.
7. And so to summarize this very simple situation: I (John Green) am the admin of this (the Awesome Coffee Club), and so when I (John Green) refer to myself (the Awesome Coffee Club), it is very easy to tell me (John Green) apart from me (the Awesome Coffee Club).
not-your-perfect-teen asked:
Wow only a social media intern? I feel like you have the experience to give yourself a higher rank
Thanks for the kind words, but I am happy with my current role. Being the unpaid CEO of the Awesome Coffee Club, which is my brother’s job, seems like a lot of work.
One thing about me is that I would rather face a loaded cannon than answer a phone call.
Like, I cannot answer the phone. Even if a friend is calling.
Asking me to answer the phone is like asking me to perform a double kickflip on a skateboard: I have heard that people can do it. I have seen it done on television. I have even play-acted doing it in video games. But I cannot do it in real life. It is simply not possible with my particular genetics and disposition.
