The Awesome Coffee Club

1.5M ratings
277k ratings

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna

notarealdrtom asked:

Any thoughts on Rudy Giuliani's coffee brand?

Man, fuck that guy and his fucking coffee.

Most of these celebrity coffee brands are worse than grocery store coffee–they use the cheapest possible coffee, farmed in horrific labor conditions on land hugely degraded by deforestation. They exploit workers, land, and communities and then ask you to buy their coffee because you feel some vague ‘affiliation’ with the famous person in question, who has somehow managed to present themselves as oppressed and victimized.

“Oh, woe is me, I tried to overthrow democracy and as a result have some legal bills. Buy my coffee.” It’s all just obvious, transparently avaricious bullshit.

Don’t buy Rudy’s coffee. Buy our coffee. It’s really good. We work hard to make it delicious. We pay our farmers well, and those farmers aren’t contributing to deforestation. It’s just a better way to drink coffee–and nobody’s paying me to say that, which Giuliani sure as fuck can’t say.

coffee company
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Very grateful that tumblr officially declared me the best coffee company, which you can tell is a thing that happened from this official image.

Join over 10,000 members of the awesome coffee club. Drink better coffee and feel good knowing that 100% of the profit goes to charity.

And right now, you can get 50% off your first order, but only for today!

coffee company the coffee is better than the memes which is no small feat because the memes are great

evermorepeyton asked:

john WHAT is that low quality picture you posted of the tfios poster WHAT the hell

Not sure how many times I have to explain to y'all that I am an old.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to be the social media intern for a coffee company donates its profit to charity when you are FORTY-SIX YEARS OLD?!

When I learned how to use the Internet, it was made out of green letters on a black screen. I don’t know how to make memes!

I don’t know how to gif!

I don’t know how to upload high-res jpgs to tumblr when I’m on a flight from Portland to Minneapolis and the Internet on the plane sucks!

I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m literally just trying to stay alive and sell coffee.

someone help me all are welcome to be unpaid interns for our coffee company there is literally no qualification required just start tumbling about the coffee make memes upload high res jpgs all are welcome at this table

Do I Have Any Advice for You

Yes. Life is long if you’re lucky and full of struggles. There are many downsides that accompany personhood, but also much joy. We are here to love and be loved, to know and be known, and to pay attention. The gift of our attention is unprecedented in the history of Earth life, and a power to wield with care and attention.

But that is not my advice. My advice is to–if it is at all possible–shed your human skin entirely and become a corporation. Ideally, become a coffee company that donates all its profit to charity. But any kind of corporation will do in a pinch.

According to the U.S. Supreme Court, as a corporation you will still be a person, but you will no longer be confined to the decaying bacterial colony known as your body. You will ascend to Corporate Personhood, the highest form of Personhood available to late stage capitalist societies, where you enjoy all the benefits of person status with none of the biological trials and tribulations.

i am a coffee company i have ascended the supreme court thinks i am a person and that i can do person stuff like donate to political campaigns and espouse weird conspiracy theories this seems like a bit but it is not a bit i actually am a person who is also a corporation which is also according to the supreme court a person also our coffee is legit good to quote one tumblr user 'it fucks'